Defending Self to Others VS Self Validation
How long are you going to keep explaining yourself? Believe me, if someone wants to be with you, they’ll find ways to get there. Which is not to say you shouldn’t communicate, you should but what you also need to ask yourself is this, is the relationship going great guns otherwise or is it yet another thing in a long list of their issues.
This is where Self Validation plays such an important part. It may seem to you that you are putting things right but you have to ask yourself what is it that you’re trying to achieve. Why do you need them to validate that you’re a good person? If you feel that something wasn’t your fault then isn’t that good enough? If someone’s not interested, they’re not interested. Period. What can you possibly say that is going to change their mind and feel like you’re the perfect person on earth? And who made them the judge anyway?
You can carry on trying to set the record straight but you know what, it’s not gonna change much. Cause guess what? It’s not about you! This is about them and the fact that these ‘issues’ for which you are beating yourself up for is not the real reason that’s holding them back. If you care so much about what they think, then it shows that you are vulnerable. If it’s an immature person, they will use your vulnerability to make themselves feel better. In the end, that’s the biggest takeaway from this, it’s not you. It never was.
Focus on yourself and get in touch with your own values. This will help you stop obsessing about what he thinks. More importantly, learn to validate yourself on your actions. Maybe you could’ve done certainly things differently but that still doesn’t take away from the fact that there are two people in a relationship and it just wasn’t working. Whatever the reasons may be, it certainly is not this. Draw your own conclusion and stop defending yourself in front of someone who doesn’t show you the respect you deserve