First, I want you to know that I subscribe to and live by the philosophy that you can’t control anyone except yourself. I believe before you point fingers of blame you have to hold yourself accountable. Once you do that, you won’t have a reason to point fingers because no one can do to you what you don’t allow them to do. Period. Point blank. With that said, I am holding myself accountable for the misrepresentation of a cultural standard that I believe is keeping women single and our families broken.
LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY AND REMORSE..
Translation: WE as women at times don’t know how to play our position. We want to be treated like a women, but because of our upbringing and our past experiences we act like a men.
I know you have heard this before. Black men say it all the time. NO, I don’t think you should own everything someone says, but I do think you should take a minute to understand where they are coming from. To that end, I have spent numerous hours talking to struggling with the right words to express my understanding of the woman and the man.. But this article isnt about what women are saying its about the MEN.
Alot of what we as women do are strictly learned behavior. In my opinion, it’s a cultural teaching that has been passed down through generations. I believe it started right about the time that black men and women where put against each other through government involvement. Dividing the household physically and economically . The result was women who had to be independent. Women who had to learn how to nurture and provide. They in turn raised women who learned through action how to be independent … but were also told not to rely on man. To not respect them or to only care about what benefits us and our children. You have to be able to take care of yourself. Show no weakness. You can do bad by yourself. You don’t need a man for anything. While I do believe that every woman should be educated (in the way that works for her) and should be able to care for herself, I don’t think that she should not allow a man to be ignored and without a voice. She shouldn’t allow the role that God gave her as a nurturer, supporter and caregiver to fall from first place in her life.
I believe the division is so powerful that theres a strong sense of resentment and anger that we place on new relationships and we have expectations that’s we ourselves can’t even deliver.
Mentally after my divorce I was broken and bitter. I considered myself strong but emotionally detached. Until I was able to Identify with my issues I would never be good for my teenage daughter or to love another man.
Through women’s liberation and life events we have created a culture where black women are afraid to be vulnerable. They are afraid to let black men be themselves. In all their glory and dismay we have to let them be men. They will mess up. We have to be there to support and encourage them … and to pick up the pieces without pointing fingers and making them feel less than men.
The world has made it okay to be divided and to not be UNITED with with the black man we should carefully rethink our actions and do the opposite…
I’ll let you decide your fate ….